Netflix Adds Convenient Account Option For Subscribers
Netflix is adding a "profile portability" option for users, a feature that allows one to transfer an existing profile to a new account.
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What’s worse than a breakup? Breaking up with a person who pays the Netflix bill and now you’re off the account. Well, maybe this will soothe the sting of a broken heart. When your lover does break up with you, you are free to start a new account WITH your all previous account information and recommendations intact. YAY. Don’t you feel better already?
Netflix announced the news earlier this week according to protocol. The exchange of the info–profile portability– is the company’s attempt to let you continue to live your online life just as you did before your heart was stepped on and slammed back in your face. Meaning–you’ll still have recommendations for all the happy romantic comedies you watched in happier times.
Post-breakup you’ll want to just watch something like The Witch, or maybe anything from the Blumhouse production studios. Nothing like a horrifying movie to make you forget your little pathetic shriveled-up heart.
If you want to go way back into the annuls categorized under M for “Movies to Make You Fear For Your Life” you can still rent DVDs from Netflix for classics like The Exorcist or even Rosemary’s Baby if they aren’t streaming, good news. You’ll be so scared you won’t even have to worry about where you’re going to get your next pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.
So as Netflix tells you, “chin up, there’s other fish in the sea” you can just remember, first thing after you move into your new apartment to just set up your new account. Don’t cancel, and don’t use your ex’s. You’re still you.
Maybe Netflix’s recent strategy to keep subscribers and stop listing money actually does make sense. After a breakup, you don’t need to run back like a lost little sheep. No, you are your own person. And profile portability proves that. Look at the obscure documentary on vegan leather you watched alone. It’s still there, it’s still uniquely you.
Netflix is losing subscribers and it is hurting–bad. With new, maybe more attractive, more successful competition like that tarted-up Disney + or that hussy HBO Max. Huh, she’s been around a while with her big brand name in home movies she started way back in the 1970s.
Well, what does Netflix do but cheapen itself to a more basic level? It’s so sad, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to survive. Its “Basic Package” is now going at $6.99 a month with (gasp) ads! Netflix believes this will help soothe those who are looking for a less expensive way to stream.
So, is it really true then that Netflix is losing subscribers due to breakups and children leaving home for the first time? That probably sounds better to shareholders than, “No one wants you anymore, Netflix and you’re going to die sad and alone.” Or in other words, “We are losing market share to other streamers. We need a makeover.”
So, yes, portfolio portability is here to help you retain your personality and be as strong as you can be. Please do, because Netflix still needs its friends.
